Active listening skills in coaching 

To increase your opportunities to provide feedback, pay attention to the cues others are sending. If someone is upset, not ready to talk, or needing to vent, then just hear them out. They need a safe place to air thoughts and emotions, but aren’t ready for a coaching conversation.

6 Active Listening Techniques to Use

Coaches use active listening techniques when people are ready to identify problems and find solutions. Cues that someone is open to coaching include: “Can you help me think things through?” or “I’d like to bounce some ideas off of you.” or “Could you give me a reality check?” or “I need some help.”

In these moments, 6 active listening skills can help turn a typical conversation into a coaching opportunity:

1. Be attentive. Convey a positive attitude to the client and a willingness to talk through the situation. First create your code of conduct with the client, commit to a time for the 2 of you to have the  first session and how long, where and when your sessions will take place.

During the conversation, remind yourself that your role is not to interrogate the client jump to advice-giving, or solve the problem yourself. Listen. Near the end of the conversation, you need to be able to accurately summarize the clients main ideas, concerns, and feelings.

Allow “wait time” before responding. Don’t cut the client off, finish their sentences, or start formulating your answer before they have finished. Be conscious of your body language.

2. Ask open-ended, probing questions. These encourage the client  to do the work of self-reflection and problem solving, rather than justifying or defending a position, or trying to guess the “right answer.”

Examples include: “What do you think about …?” or “Tell me about …?” and “Will you further explain/describe …?”

The emphasis is on asking, rather than telling. It invites a thoughtful response by the client and maintains the spirit of collaboration.

You might say: “What are some of the specific things you’ve tried?” or “Have you asked for help ?” or “Does your partner know you feel there is a problem ? “Does your line manager know how your feeling ?” “Does your family know how your feeling?” “How certain are you that you have the full picture of what’s going on?”

3. Request clarification. Double check any issues that are ambiguous or unclear to you. If you have doubt or confusion about what the client has said, say something like, “Let me see if I’m clear. Are you talking about …?” or “Wait a minute. Try that again. I didn’t follow you,” if you have any doubt or confusion about what the client  has said.

Paraphrase. Recap the clients key points periodically. Don’t assume that you understand correctly, or that the client knows you’ve heard.

For example, your client  might tell you, “My partner doesn’t understand me, she never has time for me, she spends all her time with the children”  to paraphrase “ so your partner is not paying attention to you because she is busy with the children?” “Emma is so loyal and supportive at work with her staff — they’d walk through fire for her. But, no matter how much I push, her team keeps missing deadlines.” To paraphrase, you could say, “So Emma’s people skills are great, but accountability is a problem.”

5. Be attuned to and reflect feelings. With active listening, you’ll be able to identify the feeling message that accompanies the content. This is an effective way to get to the core of the issue.

When you hear, “I don’t know what else to do!” or “I’m tired of bailing the team out at the last minute,” try to help the client  label his or her feelings: “Sounds like you’re feeling pretty frustrated and stuck.”

6. Summarize. Give a brief restatement of core themes raised by the client “Let me summarize to check my understanding.  When was the last time you and your partner spent time together alone? Have you made any attempts to support her with the children? Have you arranged a babysitter to look after the children while you take her out for a date night ? You have tried to make time for each other but she is not interested? DId I get that right? Emma was promoted to manager and her team loves her. But you don’t believe she holds them accountable, so mistakes are accepted and keep happening. You’ve tried everything you can think of and there’s no apparent impact. Did I get that right?”

Once the situation has been talked through in this way, both you and the client have a good picture of where things stand. From this point, the conversation can shift into problem solving. What hasn’t been tried? What don’t we know? What new approaches could be taken?

As the coach, continue to query, guide, and offer, but don’t dictate a solution. Your client  will feel more confident and eager if they think through the options and own the solution.